A letter to my 18 year old self – Amrita Booranotyourwife1214
Dear beautiful Amrita,
- No, you don’t need to have it all figured out yet. There is no such thing as a life deadline. You can get married at 20, or 50. You can buy your first home at 19, or 36. You can have your career figured out at 16, or start a new adventure at 40. There is no right time. What is right is you loving you, loving life, whatever that looks like.
2. It’s okay to change your mind about things, feelings and people. The ‘you’ 10 years ago may be different to the you now, and that’s okay. Growth – it’s a concept that we need to embrace. As long as you stay true to yourself and don’t sacrifice that for others, you will see life in its full bloom.
3. Outgrowing friends is normal. Don’t stay where you feel your spirit is limited. We are the products of our environments and your intuition is most likely telling you that you need something different around you. You don’t need to understand why straight away, but know that one day it will click. The true friends, who understand time and give you that space, will not hold it against you. They will want you to flourish in your own right and support you. Remember, you’re never alone. You have the greatest gift with you all the time – you.
4. Anxiety is real and exists. The panic, the inability to catch your breath, that heart dropping to your stomach feeling – that’s anxiety. It’s your body triggering your safety button. Breathe, you’ve got this. You’re safe and this isn’t going to own you.
5. Your feelings are valid, even if someone tries to make you feel like they aren’t. Often, people will try to shrink you because you showing emotion makes them feel uncomfortable. It forces them to look inward, and not many people like doing that. If you find yourself talking to someone about how they’ve made you feel, and they make it about you, it’s time to form a boundary. If someone can’t take the time to reflect on how they potentially made you feel, then maybe it’s more of a lesson than you know.
6. The world can be cruel. Sometimes, bad things happen to us, and they’re meant to. If we didn’t have any challenges we wouldn’t learn for the next time, and I believe it’s all part of the process. Don’t let the world make you hard – share the advice you have learnt from your own experiences to others if they need the help. I promise you there is beauty out there and you can be part of it.
7. You’ll soon realise that you can change the narrative and environment. It may be a bad day, a bad time, but it’s not a bad life. We are in control of how things work out for us. You will be the author of your timeline. It may take some work, some digging deep, some boundaries and a lot of self love. But you can change how you feel about the past – it doesn’t have to be heavy if you don’t want it to be.
8. Adulthood brings independence and a chance to be your true self. Be patient if you feel trapped. Freedom is coming. The trauma will come to an end. This will be your time to get closure, whatever that looks like. Sometimes, closure is not an apology. It’s accepting that you’ll never get one. The biggest gift you can give yourself is to forgive. Do this for yourself and not hold onto the hurt. That space can be used for love and happiness – a much nicer way to fill the hole.
9. It’s okay if he’s ‘the one’ now and turns out not to be later. Love is complex and it’s allowed to be. Each relationship teaches you something different about yourself. It also teaches you what you want from love, a partner, a friend. These lessons are life-long, so don’t despair. Love will come when it’s meant to, however it’s meant to, and each time you’ll ride the rollercoaster.
10. Don’t beat yourself up if you reacted badly to a situation. There is always a trigger – that doesn’t make it right, but it makes you understand why you reacted the way you did. What is important here is you recognising that. Recognising the pattern of reactions and why they are happening. It is only then you will be able to understand how to change the patterns if they’re not aligned with your values. And again, you don’t owe anyone an explanation bar yourself. These are your shadows, own them.
11. Comparison is the biggest thief of happiness and time. You may think you want what others have, however your own uniqueness is what will bring you joy. You’re the master of your life. Keep celebrating others success and your own.
I love you for exactly who you are.
By Amrita Boora