3 Steps to Finding Love – Ruchi Marwaha

In 2014 I was left broken and completely alone when my relationship ended. I was felt to pick up the pieces and find myself again. For years I took the blame upon myself and thought it was all my fault. I allowed my ex-boyfriend to blame me too, because in my eyes he seemed perfect and I was the one who was unworthy and unlovable. I was made to believe I was crazy and a psycho. Having been in a toxic relationship before this as well, I thought there was something wrong with me, that I was the one who didn’t deserve to be happy and loved. This seemed like a norm for me now. Is this what my relationships are always going to be like now?

It took me years to realise that actually I had gone through mental and emotional abuse in my relationship and the guy I thought was perfect was far from it. I had created this version of him in my reality that was based on who he used to be or maybe even who I had hoped he would be. This break up as devastating as it was for me, was truly a blessing in disguise. If it had not happened, I would not have done the inner work and healing for myself but also wouldn’t have found the love of my life, who I’m with now.

If you are going through something similar or have been through something similar, I want you to know that it is not your fault. You are not to be blamed for any forms of abuse you have been through and put up with. You are worthy and deserving of happiness and love. You can have the love your desire, no matter what your past has been like. You can let go of toxic relationships and end the cycle of attracting the same kind of relationships and people.

Here are the three steps I took to heal from my past relationship and manifest the love of my life.

1. RELEASE THE PAST
The past does not define you. No matter what you’ve been through in the past, whether in your childhood or past relationships you need to let go of this. The more you keep repeating the same old stories or using it as a reason why you don’t deserve love, the more you will continue to be stick in that funk. Release. Release. Release.

The only thing the past is relevant for, is to look back at how far you have come. The past is only holding you back from moving forward in life. In order to release the past, you must heal from the past. Whatever happened, has happened. Now the only thing you can do from that is learn from it. What has it taught you? Healing from the past can be an extremely difficult and vulnerable experience. It’s okay to experience a range of emotions from hurt to anger to sadness or even relief. It’s all normal and it’s okay. You will go through phases where you feel like life is moving forward and you’ve released the past and then within moments you will feel like you’re back at square 1. Again, this is completely normal. The healing process is never smooth and straightforward. But always remember, on this journey you will come across dead-ends, make the wrong turns or miss an exit. This is just the Universe taking you on a detour. No matter how many detours you take, you will always end up at your final destination. Keep going and don’t give up at the first detour.

2. LOVE & ACCEPT YOURSELF
Something that can easily be neglected when trying to find love is fully love and accept yourself. This is something you need to make about you. It is not about what others expect from you or how you should be based on the society. This is about who you are. You don’t need to be any other way than simply being you. Start by accepting who you are and what you stand for. You don’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea, that just wouldn’t be possible anyway. Spend quality time with yourself, get to know yourself like you would expect others to do so. Do fun and exciting things with yourself and treat yourself how you would to be treating in a relationship by your partner. It’s all about loving yourself exactly how you would want someone else to love you. You have to do it for yourself first.

During this step it’s so important to set your boundaries, standards and expectations when it comes to relationships. When you have these in places, you will have a better understanding of what is acceptable and unacceptable for you.

3. BECOME CLEAR
Now you need to become clear on what exactly you are looking for in your relationship. For this step you need to become specific. In order to manifest your desired relationship, you need to know what your desired relationship looks like. Remember energy flows where attention goes, so if you’re constantly focusing on what you don’t want in a relationship or a partner you will continuously come across people or situations that highlight that. Instead, your focus needs to be on what you do want.

This is where you decide on what kind of person you want to be with, so create a list of what you would like your partner to be like. Do the same for what you want your relationship to be like too. If you aren’t clear with your desires, the Universe will not know what to deliver you. It’s your job to know what you want and the Universe’s job to deliver it to you.

Sometimes what we think we want, is not what is best for us. This is why I wouldn’t suggest trying to manifest a specific person but instead focus on the qualities and experiences you would like.

By Ruchi Marwaha

(@lovefromruchi | lovefromruchi.com)